Scales are the corruption of your relationship with food and body image. As someone recovering from Anorexia, I know about it first hand. I used to be OBSESSED with weighing myself. I used to be OBSESSED with weighing or measuring my food. If I skipped my morning weigh or didn’t weigh or measure my food for a meal, my entire day would be ruined.
I thought I could
Since I started my journey through recovery from Anorexia, I’ve maybe weighed myself a handful of times. And dare I say ; I’m proud of myself for not weighing or measuring my food. Because I felt like I was doing so great I thought I was safe enough to get on the scale and weigh myself and not worry about the number. Why, you ask? Because I felt good. I felt comfortable with my body the way it is now.
I was Terribly Wrong
Boy was I so terribly wrong! The entire day my thoughts were circling around my head and to be honest for a moment, I wanted that control back again. The unrealistic thought that my eating disorder gave me control; those thoughts really ruined my day. When I leaped from my emotional mind to my rational mind I realized how stupid, that something so adamant can hold so much power.
I Am So Much More Then A Number
I didn’t want to go backwards in my Anorexia, so I thought I could just hide my scale. Haha, yeah right! Hiding it doesn’t prevent me from going to get it and using it again. So I decided I was going to smash my scale. Yes, SMASH it! Before I smashed it, I felt incredibly sad because I could use the scale for reassurance. But wait…I am so much more than a number! My loved ones didn’t care what the scale says, they liked me for me.
It Was Time
So I smashed my beautiful expensive scale to pieces. I went out on my patio laid out some tarp down and took a hammer to the glass weight watchers scale that has been with me for the last 3 years.
Smashing it felt good. I felt like I was getting my anger go – about this object, controling my mood. I was frustrated, that I felt like I couldn’t live a day without any scales. I was even enjoying it because in some way it was saying screw you to my eating disorder – and saying hello to living life.
Defining Who You Are
So ladies and gents I encourage you to think about it. Do you really want a number defining who you are. Do you want a number on a non-important object defining your identity? I know I don’t, because I know that I’m so much more than the scales. If I know it, the world knows it. You radiate what you believe.
Photographer: Semra Sevin